How Brave Was The Major Briggs Trio Today?

-- At the Mazzio's Pizza buffet, I ate a piece of pepperoni pizza with a piece of chocolate chip pizza on top of it. This is brave because 1) I have a serious, heart-stopping neurosis about dinner and dessert needing to be on opposite plates, never mind not touching ever; 2)the pizza bordered on being so unedible as to not be considered food; and 3) if the appearance and actions of the other diners were any indication, a less-germ-sharing-intensive act than handling the serving tongs would have been fellating the handle of the bathroom's urinal.
Speaking of which. . .



-- At the bathroom at said pizza joint, I peed in the urinal. The urinal about a foot off of the floor, with no walls and right next to the sink and the door with full view of the dining floor (Who designed that setup? Lance Bass?).
This is not some sort of social phobia baby step for me. Remember that scene in The Matrix? That jump? Remember that scene from Carrie? "They're all gonna laugh at you"? That one? If those two scenes had a baby, it would be nodding it's head in complete understanding.
Many of the patrons (and by "many" I mean "the three that I remember with frightning clarity before the defense mechanisms of my brain started to clean house up there") might remember a nervous man with his wang unabashledy exposed peeing with a slight, audible stutter in the stream as they entered the restroom. Not that I remember how people pee, but surely they realized, too, that this was a special occasion replete with bravery. Some clapped. Some openly wept. Others washed their hands.


-- I talked on my cell phone to some employees while I was on the toilet, and totally kept my cool.